What is a wonderful view?

What is a wonderful view? Obviously I know what a wonderful view is it’s the Grand. Canyon, the Stacks at Duncansby and the Forth Rail Bridge at dusk to name a few.  Of course you may have other ideas and consider them to be at least as good if not wonderfully better than mine. We would expect that really. Personal preference, choice, taste etc.

Like many things in life it also depends on your experiences. You may have travelled a bit or you may have stayed in the same town and not gone much beyond all your life so you may not have as many reference points. Of course we see a lot of splendid views in our own homes through TV programmes, travelogues or documentaries.

What is a view anyway? I found one definition which might work for the purposes of this blog item “an instance of seeing or beholding; visual inspection; sight; vision.”

I ask the question because I enjoy Grand Designs, the programme about people building their own homes which are interesting, challenging and ultimately, hopefully wonderful to live in. In many of these programmes they have designed the house to sit within its surroundings, which might mean they have large windows from which a fabulous view is accessible. Seems fair enough.

In most cases the views aren’t that special never mind spectacular although the people who built the house obviously think so. A lot of them look like rolling green fields, hedgerows and trees rather than amazing rock formations on really high mountains or cliffs with crashing waves or fairly substantial hills seen over a river. Again insert your own choice of view which gets you excited as it were.

We don’t just live in an area because of the views, well some people do, because they can.  We live somewhere because it’s handy for work, it has good schools, the shops are reasonably close and we like it. The more people like the view, the more expensive it is. The more expensive it is the fewer the people that can afford it. So views have a value beyond personal appeal.

I raise this for two reasons. Firstly because I was watching that BBC programme which is currently showing old Scottish TV programmes.  In one, which was set in the 60s, a woman was asked to live in a real slum area. She was your typical posh, well-educated worldly woman and she was bemoaning the fact that her eyes were actually painful because they had nothing beautiful to look at. A gross exaggeration with little consideration for those who had to live there permanently and took some joy from it because it was a roof over their heads and they could reasonably keep it warm in winter.

The second was a documentary, which discussed how a scientist was attempting to define how the value of a “good view” could be measured. She’d stuck a lot of those electrode things on people’s heads whilst showing them images of views and at the same time monitoring their eye motion. When a view was shown which was appealing to the recipient the pleasure areas of their brain reacted positively and their eyes darted about and took in the details of what they’re were seeing.

A good view is in the eyes of the beholder. There’s a surprise! Next time you are considering booking a hotel room, buying a new house or going out for a Sunday drive from which the views will be spectacular you might want to consider if your definition of spectacular is the same as the person who is encouraging you to go. If you do go and the view isn’t what you thought it would be you need to be careful because you may well end up with painful eyes because they have not been exposed to anything beautiful.

Of course, if your significant other is with you this won’t be the case however because they will be beautiful. You wouldn’t be with them if they weren’t!

 

An X in a box is no longer enough

Here we are again, happy as can be….

Well perhaps not everyone, in fact probably very few! And what is the context? Why it’s the local elections which took place over the past couple of days. 

Let me re-cap slightly on the ongoings over the past few weeks. Not a single candidate darkened my door step. A number of leaflets were pushed through the letterbox though. The existing three councillors all stated the same successes and had virtually the same aims which they would pursue if re-elected. Labour went a wee stage further in one of theirs. They blamed the tram fiasco on the LibDems and the SNP coalition in Edinburgh. Slightly dishonest or frankly completely misleading? The latter, Labour forced the trams on everyone in Edinburgh by voting them into existence just before the previous council elections. This was done knowingly. 

Back to the leaflets. The Tories made much of being a Party of the union. Big surprise there, no doubt aimed at trying to attract voters who were pro the union. The Greens suggested they were warm and cuddly and would do stuff about cycle paths, keep opposing the biomass power station (isn’t that a green thing to do?) and try to get a grant for a windmill. No mention of of the agrarian lifestyle or the huge population decreases they also pursue. Yes I know it was local council elections but their aims are so incredibly anti-humanity any vote for them at any level is supporting those aims.

The SNP shot themselves in the foot by having two candidates. The incumbent lost out and a new guy is in. Probably on the strength of alphabetic positions on the ballot paper. This voting system is absolutely crap. Sorry but it is. It needs to be simple and be seen to work not complicated and manipulatory which further reduces the intent of the electorate.

In general the SNP didn’t make the progress they had hoped for. Labour gained a fair bit including Edinburgh so we’ll see how much they reduce the cost of the trams shall we?     
Th worst part though is that the Greens won seats. The protest vote delivers a step closer to Eco-tomfoolery. I’m sure the people who support the greens and their candidates and  councillors include some real fine and decent people. I’m also sure there will more than a smattering of green psychopaths within it also. 

The LibDems are gone. I’m not convinced they’ve hit rock bottom yet either. Power at any cost does have a cost it would seem. 

Just one question. How was it possible for Labour to hold Glasgow? Given the waste, the corruption and most damning of all, failing to substantially increase the quality of the lives of the people of Glasgow and over a very long period of time?

If there was a lesson for the SNP in all of this it’s not to underestimate the opposition to Scottish Independence. The Labour Party will be all but destroyed by it and England and it’s damaging establishment have much to lose in status if nothing else although there will also be lots of “else’s”. 
The next few days may be interesting.

 

Competition is good for us all

You’ll have noticed that people aren’t really spending money as they used to? People are still spending money, but on necessities rather than luxuries. This is all the fault of the credit crunch apparently although the Eurozone seems to be making things worse and making it more difficult for people to see light at the end of the tunnel. It’s important to note, though, that Ireland and Portugal look as if they are making some good progress.

Setting aside the “double dip” twins, Cameron and Osborne, efforts at being seen to be “prudent” are there any other issues, which are making things harder than they should be for people living in the UK? Prices are rising, which is in no small part because of silly green policies, which push up energy and regulatory costs. This results in increased prices on almost all products since they have to be transported to markets and delivered to shops and homes.

The pressure on the Bank of England a few months ago and the increasing likelihood of the same pressure returning to increase base rates, was pretty ill considered by a number of commentators mainly from the BBC. Increasing the base rate would increase pressure on households and wider economy budgets making it less likely that spending and investment would happen. It would also be a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow given that “quantative easing”, which the Bank of England has been so very keen on, is a significant driver of inflation.

It is also apparent that things have gone very awry in the UK consumer market place. Whilst competition still exists it is clearly not as ferocious as it was and as it should be. Healthy competition is necessary to ensure value for money. A monopoly is a very bad thing as it significantly reduces value or money. Tesco demonstrates this fairly well.

During Christmas trading last year Tesco judged what it’s approach should be and got it wrong. It was not competitive and the other supermarkets were. People spent their money where they got most for it. Simple. Tesco then report profits lower than expected and embark on making their stores more attractive to shoppers. I don’t know about you but I’m not to bothered about how a supermarket looks I’m more concerned about the prices and the quality of goods. Especially when things are tight.

The economy in the UK has been hi- jacked by a number of large businesses who, for one reason or another, keep prices at a level which allows them to make large profits without the need to indulge in price wars which are harmful to them. Luxury brands have benefitted most from this, which can be seen by the increases in their prices which dwarf current inflation rates.

The Competition Commission and the Office of Fair Trading are there to protect consumers but do they have teeth? How many products do you buy where the prices of alternatives significantly are cheaper or more expensive? Petrol? No. Utilities? No. Food? Well on some but certainly not on all by a long shot.

You will also be aware of the tactics which have been employed by businesses who wish to sell you stuff. They advertise a fairly good percentage reduction and people buy stuff, then a few days later they either have a sale or further reductions and the price go even lower. It’s becoming an art form to recognise the most opportune point at which to buy things. We all take advantage of these price reductions but only if we need them.

Competition between businesses is absolutely vital as a means of reducing inflation. This was demonstrated again by supermarkets who after a prolonged price war a few years ago reduced the price of food across the board. However, inflation is a constant threat especially since we rely partly on overseas suppliers who may have different pressures to deal with. The Double Dip Twins are boxing themselves into a corner since they can’t print money and at the same time have low inflation.

Unless they know something we don’t of course.

Just don’t rely on that being the case however.

 

Lording it in the boardroom – Part 7

The phone rings and Lord Sugars assistant tells the team they will be collected in twenty minutes. Not a lot of time to get ready really but more than enough time if you are a thrusting, purposeful and confident apprentice entrepreneur.

The task starts in a low rent cash and carry in Essex where the two teams have to decide on products, which they can sell at a market or from a stall from an initial budget of £150. This will imitate how Lord Sugar began, the great man himself says.

Jade takes on the team leader job and doesn’t make the best of starts due to indecision and probably asking for too many opinions although she doesn’t seem to have many ideas of her own.

Nick and Ricky put themselves forward as the other team leader and Nick is voted in which Ricky is slightly miffed about. They immediately get to grips with the task and start making decisions.

The key to this task was Lord Sugar telling the teams that they would be measured on how much money and the amount of stock value they have at the end of the task. This is a slight change from profit being the only key measure. It means that the stock value needs to be maintained in as much as the teams have to make sure they don’t sell their products too cheaply or for less than cost price at the mad rush at the end.

The products being sold included mops, beard trimmers, fake tan, nail wraps, mini bug toys, hot water bottles, etc, etc, etc.

The market pitches didn’t work particularly well since the weather was a bit inclement. The products jumping off the shelves, or the tables in this case, seemed to be fake tan and mini bug toys. Jade didn’t quite have her finger on the pulse and insisted that her team replenish their entire stock rather than going for the faster movers. The pricing strategy for her team resulted in goods being sold lower than Nick’s team

The biggest issue, or the way the episode was edited, was Azher. He continually went on and on about what the strategy was. To a degree he was right to question Jade about this but he did it very negatively and kept repeating it over and over again. Her strategy was simple – sell a mix of products to attract a wider cross section of the potential customer base and make as much money as possible. The strategies have to be simple, there isn’t time for sophisticated although Lord Sugar provides them with the strategy when he outlines the task and the targets they will be measured on.

Her strategy should have been start off with a range of products and reduce the range sold as the day progressed to exploit the best selling items. That’s what Lord Sugar said right at the start.

Jade ended up in the boardroom with Tom who had been a good member of her team and of course Azher. Tom was sent back to the house pretty quickly and whilst Jade hadn’t been great Azher was fired because he’d been incredibly negative and clearly had a “strategy” to play a game and stay in the competition.

The amounts of money made were pretty impressive. Both teams made more than £725 profit. Lord Alan was impressed.

I’m not about to dash out, hire a van and sell stuff at a market or from a barrow in a shopping mall though. Creating a one off success isn’t that hard to do, it’s maintaining it over a long period of time that separates the Lord Sugars from the rest of us.

 

A long hot summer in the 70′s

Planning ahead was fairly important during the 70’s. You had to check the paper to find out when power cuts would be and for how long. You had to keep a check on how much petrol you had and to make sure you filled up when the petrol stations were open. You had to keep a check on food prices because they went up in pretty quickly.

There were also teachers strikes which affected students on the run up and maybe even during exams at high school. All and all it sounds grim and it was to a degree. I recently asked my mother what it was like for adults with children in the 70′s and she told me that everyone just got on with it, did what they could and made sure children were okay. Pretty much the way of life for huge numbers of people on the planet today.

The late seventies saw inflation around 20%+. The pound was no longer on the gold standard, which had valued the pound at $2.40 I think. It fell back fairly rapidly and the very dramatically to around $1.65. Everything that happened seemed to reduce the value of the pound, which made everything more expensive.

I think a single was 50p and an album £2.50. I had an old Dansette type of record player for playing my music on and there was the radiogram downstairs, which I used if everyone else was out. Top of the Pops was a must although the bands and singers who appeared rarely met with my entire approval. The camera effects they used to use were ridiculous and they also didn’t seem to show what chords or what fingering the guitar players were using which was a further pain when you’re trying to learn to play the guitar and bass.

I particularly remember 1976, mainly because of the wonderful summer. At the Boat Race people watching it were in shorts and t-shirts and it was a really warm day. The good weather lasted all the way thought the summer months and then it stopped in September. I used to visit relatives in Derby in the summer and 1976 was no exception.

I went down usually in August and I’d go along with a cousin to watch Derby County play, usually in the League Cup which was played ahead of the new season. In 1976 the two games I saw were against Leyton Orient and Manchester United. We went to stand in the Derby end of the ground but when we actually made it to the terraces it was full of Man Utd fans. We did our best to hide our Derby scarves but we had been spotted.

Throughout the game we were being jostled and generally harassed and we knew we’d have to do something to escape at the end of the game. Half time came and was used mainly for an on pitch riot by Man Utd fans which left one fan lying on the ground after having been stabbed. They carried him off with the accompaniment of Dancing Queen by Abba which I’m pretty sure was never intended for such a purpose.

Anyway that heightened our survival instinct and we decided to get onto the pitch as soon as the final whistle went. Once on the pitch we’d run along to a gangway which went under the stand and then to the street outside. That sounded like a plan but like all plans was subject to change whether we liked it, or not.

When the final whistle blew we immediately started to climb over the wall to get on the pitch. then a very young policeman stood in front of us and told us to get down, which we duly did. However the Man Utd fans weren’t so obedient and they continued to flock onto the pitch. That saved us really. There were very few people left on the terraces at that part of the ground so we just quickly made our way back out of the ground by the way we’d come in. Whew!

It was a fabulous summer. There was a hose pipe ban in Derby them as well.
Punk was fairly popular that summer and fashions changed from very baggy trousers to drain pipes. I bought a pair of drain pipe Levi’s and I was also beginning to wear cowboy boots which again were becoming popular. I was at a shopping centre one weekend dressed in drainpipe Levi’s, Levi denim jacket and cowboy boots. A older guy came over to me and spoke to me saying that he also had all the gear. I was puzzled. He was way too old to be wearing the latest fashions. Then it dawned on me. He was into country and western dancing and stuff!

The seventies were good for me. How were they for you?

 

Your good health.

The vast majority of the population are pretty healthy and don’t bother much with Doctors and drugs. To a degree we don’t have time because we have a double dip recession to contend with which tends to focus our minds somewhat. Its so good of the “two double dips” Cameron and Osborne, to ensure we are financially challenged otherwise we’d just be sitting back and enjoying life a good bit better and spending a bit of money which would help the economy

At times we do get ill and we have to go to the Docs. That in itself isn’t easy, none of this casually telephoning for an appointment nonsense nowadays, oh no. You have to phone at a prescribed time and you might get lucky. No forward booking appointments either. Some do allow that which means you need to plan to be ill and hope your body will oblige by not giving up before the appointment or being splendidly well when the appointment comes along.

The biggest issue in going to see the Doc is of course you tend to go in with one thing and come out with five. The questioning starts straight away. Do you or have you ever smoked. I always want to response – only when I’m on fire. I don’t though because I’m a fearty. Next is how much do you drink. Again I want to say only enough to keep me alive. After these two questions and I’ve said no to both I can almost see the disappointment on the Doc or Nurse or Health assistants face.

Next it’s step on the scales. Oh you are a bit overweight! Delight from them now. Then they trot out BMI, which is utter nonsense, and they need to test your blood for diabetes and cholesterol, yawn! Eventually they want to know about the ailment you went with. The response is always the same. Here’s a prescription or if its muscular they tell you to self present at the NHS clinic along the road or they’ll need to refer you to a specialist at a hospital which is further away than sensible, will charge you a fortune for parking and is so big it takes hours to discover where you should be.

I presumed Doctors were healers? I was wrong. Well, that’s not entirely true they used to be healers a good few years ago. When I was young I hurt myself a few times and was taken to the Docs well after hours and he sorted me without recourse to drugs or hospital.

One of my Uncles was a physiotherapist. He called all Doctors quacks as did his two brothers. That did sort of make me question Docs and their capabilities. At times they do good work and there are good ones but at times they don’t and they and their mates cover up. They can’t all be good, can they but you rarely hear of the rubbish ones being sacked!!!

The NHS is pretty poor and yes I know there are a lot of really good people working in it and trying against all the odds to do their best. Humongous amounts of money have been thrown at it but it doesn’t seem to have made much difference. The idea is great, the reality not so much. They brought some German docs over to help out a few years ago. They worked much faster than their UK colleagues. A friend recently returned to Poland after they were mis-diagnosed which could have seriously reduced their life span.

Medicine is now aimed at obesity, smoking, drinking, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. What a pity. We are all individuals regardless of what epidemiologists say.

In Scotland men just don’t go to the Docs. Well that’s not 100% correct. They go but only after it’s too late or they go eventually and then don’t take the drugs they are given. It makes life a lot more interesting. Like playing chicken or Russian roulette.

Healthy people die too you know. The guy that invented jogging died jogging. Those football players who had heart attacks were really fit. Sports people get cancer. A lot of guys die on the golf course (mostly of boredom and too much 19^th hole indulging).

Life is what you make it and your luck or not and no amount of quacks bearing drugs can guarantee anything.

I wish you all good health.

 

Olympic class response

Over the past few days there seems to have been a growing reporting of police and military tactics which are being used and which may be used during the London Olympics. My previous post, which covered the presence of machine-gun totting police at a peaceful NHS protest, has been viewed by a lot of people who like me; were pretty shocked and concerned to see this in the UK.

Then later in the week we saw the police at the Tottenham Court Road incident dressed in paramilitary gear, complete with facemasks. One slightly deranged and angry man needs that sort of response? Part of a pattern or is there something else going on?

The machine gun police officers were a silly mistake, a show of bravado or an attempt to intimidate, which backfired spectacularly. The Tottenham Road incident was without doubt a huge over-reaction but may also have been used as a training exercise for the police. A practice for what though? The London Olympics of course.

Earlier this evening the was a further bit of news in the same vein. A plan was announced to site a ground to air missile unit on top of a residential building not far from the Olympic stadium. A couple of residents were interviewed with one saying it’s worrying and another who said it is needed to protect the stadium.

My take on it was that it must be a gesture at best. Basically what goes up must come down. An attempt to attack the stadium from the air by a group wishing to make a point would have to be very, very lucky to make it as far as the stadium but what if they did? The missile battery would be pressed into use, it would track the incoming threat and then fire a missile at it to ensure it was brought down at a safe distance from the stadium. Now safe is an interesting word to use in this context.

Safe will result in whatever type of airborne threat being damaged to the degree that it can’t continue so it will then fall to the ground along with the remains of the missile itself. Whilst the stadium is in a less populated area in London it’s likely that the debris will come to earth with a bang and might result in damage to property and even injuries or worse. again this sounds like more of a gesture than anything else.

You may also have heard from the MSM that the US is sending an aircraft carrier, which will be stationed at a point where it can “assist” should there be an incident, which may require more of a response than perhaps the UK can muster?  How embarrassing! It’s not like the UK doesn’t have an aircraft carrier with powerful jets ready to fly and deal with any potential threat. Well, we will have a in a few years time although it might be a wee bit longer to actually have some working jets on board. On the brighter side however, if we break the first aircraft carrier we will have a spare almost ready to go.

Have previous Olympics had this level of security? Are we only finding this out because it’s here? Will the police use this as a way of introducing a more paramilitary reaction to some incidents? Will we lose any further rights and liberties because police tactics will necessarily change for the Olympics and can’t be put back in the box?

Who knows? I don’t intend to watch much if any of the Olympics and the Commonwealth Games.  I do hope that people who like such things enjoy, I also hope that there are no incidents at all, never mind one, which may require masked police, backed up with ground to air missiles!

 

Lording it in the boardroom – Part 6

There you are relaxing on your day off with your mates, playing computer games and slobing out and there’s a knock at the door. Someone heads off to see who’s there and comes back with your boss who tells you, you’re going to be travelling and should get ready to leave. Lord Sugar strikes again!

And they’re off on the London to Edinburgh East Coast line although First Class. Lord Sugar describes the destination as “the food capital of Scotland. Just the capital of Scotland would have done really.  Lord Allan says that pavement gastro food is very popular in London but the more distant areas haven’t yet caught on to this. Oh really? What about the French, German and Italian markets not to mention the farmers market and the Sunday market in Stockbridge? Not to worry, lets not spoil the idea with a pinch or two of truth.

So the teams have to come up with gastro food, which they can make in the street and sell at a premium. Game on.

Lord Sugar chooses Adam Corbally as the Project Leader for one team and the other is Jenna Whittingham.

They start straight away and make plans on the train journey, which takes 4.5 hours. Katie comes up with a suggestion that one place they could sell their product would be at a football ground before a match. Conveniently Hearts are playing Rangers and she feels this is a good opportunity. Adam has hit his iceberg and he’s already sinking. Not to be deterred however, he ploughs on at full speed and decides that his team will use cheap ingredients so they can make a much larger profit, water is pouring in and its too late to close the water tight doors. Gastro food made from cheap ingredients, its just not going to happen.

Jenna has taken on board the quality of the food, which is needed, and her team have decided Parliament Square is a good place to be. It’s a busy place, certainly, especially with Johnnies (tourists).

Both team set up and start trading. £5.99 for a portion of meatballs and pasta at a football match was never going to work. Also the kick-off is a 12.30 and most people will have self catered or if they haven’t they’ll be hitting Greggs and those burger stalls outside the ground. They’ll spend £3.00 for a burger or a steak bake and a can.

In Parliament Square the stew made from good quality meat isn’t flying over the counter either. The Johnnies have had their breakfast not long ago. So Jenna decamps to Princes Street beside the Royal Scottish Academy. Now the Johnnies walk past that spot before heading up to Parliament Square. The same people who would have been their customers if they’d stayed where they were. Also Princes Street is one long eyesore due to the tram works so locals and tourists avoid it. It’s closed to traffic so everyone has to head to George Street for buses further reducing the foot fall.

Adam drops his prices and tries again but its not happening and they decide to head to the Grassmarket. This is a very busy place for Johnnies because it’s very close to the Castle and a lot of walking tours either start there or pass through. It also has a large number of cafes and restaurants of all types and costs. Not an ideal pitch. Stephen and Katie make a deal with one of the tour bus managers (all the tour buses are owned and run by the council) so they can pitch to the people on the bus who will be so excited at the prospect of some gastro food they’ll jump off in the Grassmarket and eat rather than staying on the bus. This doesn’t work.

Both teams then reduce their prices to get rid of the stock they have.

Boardroom time. Adam is taken to task straightaway. Basically he didn’t follow the brief and didn’t manage properly. The proof comes when the profits are reported and Jenna wins.

The showdown sees Adam slightly embellishing his involvement and the decisions he may have made. Lord Sugar fires Katie.

Come on. Adam was way, way, way off the mark and Azhar has been hiding since the start. Katie definitely made errors but Adam should have carried the can.

The best quote of this episode was Lord Sugar responding to the £5.99 price point for the meatballs and pasta at the football. He says that they spend less than that on strikers up there. Funny indeed.

 

Cars – 2

Things started to go a bit awry once the Americans started putting catalytic converters on cars, all in the name of reducing emissions, which of course made its way to the UK. They made car engines less powerful so more petrol was used to achieve the same speeds as before. Cars got heavier too, which reduced injuries and deaths, although cars again, required more petrol than before. Efforts were made to improve miles per gallon, especially when we had the fuel shortages in the 70s.

All in all, cars have been a great boon for most people. Traffic jams are pretty tedious and the taxes that have been levied on cars and motorists despicable. It’s a pity that something, which came along and improved people’s lives, has become an enemy to others.

Some people dislike SUV or 4x4s because they pollute more. More than what? A Smart car? You can’t tell by looking at a vehicle how “environmentally damaging” it is. You can never really tell anyway because there are so many different factors involved.

What are the alternatives then?

I saw a chap, who lives locally, coming back from grocery shopping. His backpack was fairly full but he also had re-enforcements in the shape of his dog which had panniers hanging down it’s sides, one of which was full of stuff. He normally cycles everywhere, sometimes with one of his children in a seat on the back of the bike. Nothing wrong with cycling even if a lot of cyclists haven’t enough experience or have taken any training in how to survive as a cyclist.

Cycling is great. It’s even greater if you live somewhere reasonably flat. It’s less great if you live somewhere where it rains a lot. It’s also not so great if where you live can be windy. Then, there are cobbles to consider? Wet or dry? Wet and you slide all over the place. Dry you get shaken to bits if you manage any sort of speed at all.

It is genuinely great for keeping fit though. More cycle paths, not just lines on the road though, real segregation to protect all road users and pedestrians.

The war on cars continues apace but like all of these things, which some people deem to be dangerous or unhealthy, it is a double-edged sword. The government rakes in billions of pounds from motorists. Reducing the number of cars will reduce the amount of tax money received. What then? A tax on bicycles and licenses for people who use them. What about those wee scooters which school children scoot to school on? Tax them too. Walking? Oh yes it’s a must and a tax on shoes and shoe mending. A tax on zimmer frames also.

It’s an ill wind and all that. (Especially if you’re cycling up a steep cobbled wet street into an ill wind and rain and it’s taking up way, way, way, too much of your time.

 

Did you hear the one about the Scotsman the Australian and the American?

Getting close to the famous and powerful can be pretty exciting for some people. For others just getting close enough could result in some business or influence being put their way. This is pretty shabby. Unfortunately it seems to be a scam that our politicians have been using to fill their party coffers.

The disclosure of the Tories practicing this and using the hard sell technique usually used during some sort of “hustle” stunt is pretty low rent. If you’ve seen “The Real Hustle” you’ll be familiar with the techniques used to separate punters from their cash. In the video, which was made by The Sunday Times, the hustle techniques was used on the Tory rather than on the intended victim. The Tory was given a huge carrot by being offered a potential £250K “donation” and the pound signs in his eyes got his mouth going and rest as they say is history.

At best it’s tacky and at worst criminal. Some politicians will, no doubt, use this episode as a way of pushing for taxpayer funding of political parties. This would be a dreadful way to go. Taxpayers already fund MPs who then go on and do what they are told by the party whips or follow their own agenda, which does not match with their constituency voters.

Now, The Sunday Times is a News International newspaper belonging to a certain Mr Murdoch. Is it just co-incidence that the Sunday Times investigated this? And, more recently, old Uncle Levenson being provided with emails by Ruperts son showing the politicians digging even deeper holes for themselves?

I’d like to think and hope that this will be a trend providing a number of exposes over a period of time which will show politicians, policemen, TV people and of course slebs as being less than innocent.

The main question is – why do we put up with this? We’re in a double dip recession organised specially by a couple of dippy toffs and all the MPs want to do is this trivia nonsense?

I quite liked the description of the lunches being held by the SNP with the rich and the powerful, which also featured various ministers. It sounded pretty low rent in comparison to our friends in Westminster who do grand on a… well a grand scale I suppose.

It sounds like the SNP take guests to the Holyrood café in the parliament or maybe they push the boat out and go to a local restaurant, like Greggs, although nothing too fancy mind. Let’s hope they don’t go too far down the food chain however and end up taking people to one of the Fish and Chip Shops up the Royal Mile. (It is however, worth remembering that doing so would render dishwashing unnecessary). The Fish and Chip shops are fairly handy and the SNP and their guests could easily walk to them saving additional costs on travel.

The big questions would be is it a fish or a pie or a fried Mars bar supper and do you want brown sauce with it? I suppose there would be further decisions to make also. Like who wants Irn Bru or the diet version and will anyone go the whole hog and have Red Cola? Obviously the SNP and their guests would have to stand outside to eat, whilst the Johnnies – tourists – filed past. Making sure that they put the wrappers in the appropriate bin would of course be a priority.

Can you visualise Alex standing on the pavement in the High Street with Donald Trump on one side and Rupert Murdoch on the other? Donald would start in about the windmills and Alex would tell him he caused more noise with his unending (although very much closer to the truth than Alex would like) hot air than the windmills do.

Rupert on the other hand would be enjoying the banter and telling tales out of school or Westminster about the Call me Dave and his entourage, who fawn over him although asking him to go in the backdoor is a bit iffy to be fair!

If a crowd formed around about them that wouldn’t be a problem. One telephone call by Rupert and the Polis would be there in numbers to protect the magnates and Alex. No doubt a pretty spiffing account would appear in the papers the next day.

“Wee Alex” first in the queue, “Doanuld whaur’s yir winmulls” next and “Rupert the “Berr” dining out at the Scottish Taxpayers expense! It’s okay though, John Swinney would ensure that there was still change out of a £20 note!!! Would they take their wives? Steady now, think of the additional cost! Good grief let’s not get carried away here.

Now that scenario would be a bit of fun.

Grand on a less grand scale.

We know how to do things in Scotland.

Oh yes!