It’s life Jim, but not as we know it (Part 1)

01 Jul

It’s 12:30 on the morning of the 1st January 2021, New Years day. My first footers and other visitors have left, heading back home through the snow. I remember in years gone by, even ten years ago, people used to party until the dawn, go home and sleep and start all over again at 9;00 the next evening. Those were the days. Indeed those were very, very different days entirely.

Everyone has gone because I can’t afford to keep the lights on and can manage very little in the way of heating. Of course we don’t have cars anymore and very few people came anyway as no one travels any further than a brisk walk in the cold and snow

How did things ever get to this point?

Those of us, of a certain age, can remember when energy was cheap and plentiful and the weather was much warmer.  Things weren’t bad at all. Then, I remember an American chap telling us all that Global Warming was happening and the science proving it was settled, I think his name was Al Bore? He said global warming was a reality due to C02 emissions by man and he had charts and stuff, which proved it all. He even won two major prizes, an Oscar for best Fictional Science Film and shared a Nobel Peace prize with other people who had recognized Global Warming as the greatest benefit for their wallets since .. well, since forever really.

Okay, he got the Global Warming name wrong but the scientists quickly came up with a new name – Climate Change, which they had researched using the money the government gave them. They had to find another name because the warming stopped; in fact it went the other way and got colder. The settled science became a bit less settled until another American chap from NASA proved CO2 did cause warming but it could also cause cold at the same time. Brilliant. He also showed that warmth could flow into hot things rather than just cold things. Even Einstein couldn’t prove that! How clever

We’d already had it decided for us that windmills would be the best way to generate electricity. Now don’t tell anyone I used the word windmills or I’ll be up on a charge, I should only say wind turbines. So we planted loads and loads of wind turbines but they weren’t at all efficient. After lots and lots of experimenting and testing, which was obviously paid for by us tax payers, a university down in East Anglia proved that the way the figures for the amount of electricity wind turbines generated had been wrong. In fact wind turbines generated ten times as much electricity as had been previously thought. Even when the blades weren’t moving or they were drawing electricity from the national grid to keep their blades moving incase they froze they were still, in fact, generating electricity! Who would have thought that?

To make sure they were doing things the right way and make sure they got more research money the scientists had to send each other loads of emails and also send emails to their chums who were scientists in America too. Someone stole a lot of these emails and put them on the internet (that was when you could just look for things on the internet whenever you wanted and find loads of good stuff). The emails were full of shared advice, which helped the scientists do the science properly and come up with the proof, which met the outcomes they’d planned earlier. You can’t beat a good doze of collusion to ensure the scientific method used and the outcome reached is beyond reproach.

Whilst the wind turbines generated electricity it was very expensive until the politicians stopped all oil, gas and coal production and closed all the nuclear power plants. It took them until 2015 to do that and it was a very proud day for the Greenies in particular. Although energy prices were higher than before energy experts told us that they were actually lower than before. I’m not altogether sure how that comes about but a man on the BBC news said it so it must be true.

Now we have our wind turbines producing electricity, which does work. Well I say work when I actually mean it sometimes works. We have a lot of power cuts or “power saving time”. Scientists tell us it’s just a matter of time before we get a workable battery solution so we can store electricity when no one wants it and use it when they do, or was it the other way around? They told the government that they would need to carry out a lot more research, which would need loads of money.

The plot thickens in part two which will be published tomorrow.

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