Once upon a time in a palace in Westminster a fearsome warrior ruled the land. She strode upon any world stage without fear and faced down all threats becoming known as the Iron Lady. She wielded her handbag with precision and had no truck with U-turns. She confronted the EU colleagues and reduced the money the colleagues were demanding in lieu of membership of the great club. (She also laid waste to UK manufacturing, introduced the Tax of the Polls and followed the monetarist mantra, which almost destroyed the country but that’s another story).
Alas the great warrior was smitten and struck down by her own party.
The years passed and the world changed and a young prince appeared who managed to steal the crown of the great Tories from the Brown Labourer albeit that he had to rely on the support of a motley crew of opportunists who claimed to be liberal. No matter. He strode upon the world stage and cowered before the might of even the most modest of opponents and apologised repeatedly for the actions of past.
The young prince was know as Call me Dave. The EU colleagues had long since planned to wreak revenge on the Palace of Westminster for the effronteries of the Iron Lady and had waited patiently and planned carefully to seize the opportunities afforded by the weakening of it’s powers, just as their own powers had grown. The arrival of the great two-headed monster known as Merkozy as leaders of the EU frightened Call me Dave.
The Merkozy played a canny game. They praised Call me Dave and offered him the opportunity to sit at their table in the Eurozone. Call me Dave declined the invitation although it would have provided him with vast riches. They then decided to deal with Call me Dave and the Palace of Westminster in one fell swoop.
The offer was framed and the trap set. They once again offered Call me Dave a seat at their table as a member of the Eurozone or they would either destroy his economic power that was “The City” or steal it for themselves.
Call me Dave blustered and whined, as men who are out of their depth are prone to do. His face was red with anger, spittle flying from his fast moving mouth and his ears deaf to the words of his critics. His advisors were running around like headless chickens, the treasurer of his kingdom had long since lost the plot and the motley crew responded to the crisis with ever increasingly fantastical schemes, which almost always included the building of windmills. Call me Dave’s supporters began breaking ranks and speaking out against him. They called for a referendum. Call me Dave knew not of such things and agreed but then changed his mind denying he had ever agreed in the first place.
Call me Dave knew he was no match for the great Merkozy and this was indeed obvious for all to see. The Palace of Westminster shook on it’s foundations in trepidation of the likely attack by Merkozy. In the City the moneylenders and hawkers/traders looked to the East to the shiny jewels, which were Berlin, Paris and Brussels. They saw the bright light of change, which would allow them to reap even more riches, pay even less tax and develop utterly useless products which would be expensive for their clients to buy and be worthless within a few months.
The future was clear. Call me Dave had but two options. Join with Merkozy and become Markozycam or try to stand up to them and risk complete and abject failure. He would be ridiculed, even more, by the press, his friends and of course Boris the Great who was fairer of hair, cleverer of mouth and stouter of stoutness.
Call me Dave thought about his precarious position and that of his country. It was time for him to stand up and fight or simply fold and sell his fellow countrymen into poverty, paralysing regulation and complete greenness. He decided with speed. Merkozycam had a certain ring to it had it not? Better to be recorded in history as the man who sold out the UK than to be a man who achieved nothing at all and failed to reap the huge financial rewards, which were his for the taking due to his greatness and unparalleled intellect.
And so in an instant (well a telephone call taking but a few minutes) the new improved but utterly depraved Merkzoycam was born. Merkozycam immediately set about rebuking the minions sent from the West by Obamessiah who dared to question their judgement when his own problems amounted to well over $14 trillion.
First Europe and then the rest of the world. Merkcozycam leaders of the free world (well perhaps not that free). There may even come a day when the greatest leader of all time would came to the fore. Merkcozycamobam. Now that is a name!