Party, party, party…

20 Dec

Carrying on with the Christmas theme today then , albeit with a twist, lets consider Christmas and New Year parties. They take place I believe. People sort of turn up and eat stuff and they also drink mans beer. Some may also smoke fags. Some may abstain from all of these.

Unfortunately all of these things are subject to restrictions, statutes, health Gestapo, scares and profiteering some of which is propagated and supported by the state.

Food first then. At parties there could be cocktail sticks resplendent in squares of cheese and two pickles and or pineapple chunks, tastefully and thoughtfully stuck in an orange which has been sliced in half and laid cut side down. The more sophisticated host or hostess may even go a stage further and cover the half orange in tin foil. Whilst this does not enhance the taste of the aforementioned cocktail stick delicacy, and lets be honest here, there is absolutely no need to since it is comparable with the nectar of the gods just as it is, it sets a jaunty tone to any table.

It is very likely that you will be subjected to foods which contain fat, sugar, additives, artificial colouring, and flavouring, animal parts, air and various substances left over from dangerous chemical manufacturing. It is however, unlikely that you will be subjected to nuclear waste as there just isn’t enough to go around.

It is very likely that you will be subjected to mans beer which contains fat sugar, additives, artificial colouring and flavouring and various substances left over from dangerous chemical manufacturing. It will almost certainly contain copious amounts of CO2, which has been filtered from the atmosphere saving the lives of countless warmist activists. A less than fetching side effect will become apparent at some inopportune moment much later in the evening when activities have taken on a more horizontal requirement. Your immediate response may be to completely ignore the event, however your chosen partner will be less likely to do so and your hopes to end the evening on a brighter note may prove to be less positive than originally conceived. A surprisingly odorous and noisy end to a most promising evening. There’s always tomorrow night.

You may be of the persuasion that smoking fags is an endearing feature. This may or may not be the case but regardless, if you head to a party you may well find yourself outside smoking with other members of your sect.

Once again it is almost certain that your cigarette will contain substances which were not originally designed to be used for this purpose. No matter however. Smokers have a weapon or retribution. Ash and gag ends. Fag ends take thousands of years to rot away as do used carrier bags according to some health and environment experts with no axe to grind at all. In fact I’m constantly surprised that our houses aren’t built from old carrier bags and fag ends. Our homes would last much, much longer if they were. Bricks and mortar, hah! Castles also. Canon ball meets wall made from old carrier bags and fag ends, bounces of, end of. Don’t smoke beside those same walls though. There might be a slight risk of fire.

The abstainers will be in the kitchen at parties along with Jona Lewie, eating tofu and lettuce, drinking water flown from the other side of the world. They will also be avoiding touching anything in case they come into contact with the toxins left behind by a smoker or be busy making very, very, very sure they are not within several miles of second hand smoke.

It all sounds so jolly. It could be worse though. Cliff Richard could pop in and offer a couple of songs from his back catalogue before launching into a hymn or religious ditty. There will however be people at the party who will sing a song or several, dance in a dangerous manner without wearing a hi-viz jacket, tell jokes which do not meet stringent health and safety regulations and laugh in a loud and common manner.

I’m really looking forward to it all. Honestly.


Bah humbug!

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Posted by on December 20, 2011 in General


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