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Did you hear the one about the Scotsman the Australian and the American?

27 Apr

Getting close to the famous and powerful can be pretty exciting for some people. For others just getting close enough could result in some business or influence being put their way. This is pretty shabby. Unfortunately it seems to be a scam that our politicians have been using to fill their party coffers.

The disclosure of the Tories practicing this and using the hard sell technique usually used during some sort of “hustle” stunt is pretty low rent. If you’ve seen “The Real Hustle” you’ll be familiar with the techniques used to separate punters from their cash. In the video, which was made by The Sunday Times, the hustle techniques was used on the Tory rather than on the intended victim. The Tory was given a huge carrot by being offered a potential £250K “donation” and the pound signs in his eyes got his mouth going and rest as they say is history.

At best it’s tacky and at worst criminal. Some politicians will, no doubt, use this episode as a way of pushing for taxpayer funding of political parties. This would be a dreadful way to go. Taxpayers already fund MPs who then go on and do what they are told by the party whips or follow their own agenda, which does not match with their constituency voters.

Now, The Sunday Times is a News International newspaper belonging to a certain Mr Murdoch. Is it just co-incidence that the Sunday Times investigated this? And, more recently, old Uncle Levenson being provided with emails by Ruperts son showing the politicians digging even deeper holes for themselves?

I’d like to think and hope that this will be a trend providing a number of exposes over a period of time which will show politicians, policemen, TV people and of course slebs as being less than innocent.

The main question is – why do we put up with this? We’re in a double dip recession organised specially by a couple of dippy toffs and all the MPs want to do is this trivia nonsense?

I quite liked the description of the lunches being held by the SNP with the rich and the powerful, which also featured various ministers. It sounded pretty low rent in comparison to our friends in Westminster who do grand on a… well a grand scale I suppose.

It sounds like the SNP take guests to the Holyrood café in the parliament or maybe they push the boat out and go to a local restaurant, like Greggs, although nothing too fancy mind. Let’s hope they don’t go too far down the food chain however and end up taking people to one of the Fish and Chip Shops up the Royal Mile. (It is however, worth remembering that doing so would render dishwashing unnecessary). The Fish and Chip shops are fairly handy and the SNP and their guests could easily walk to them saving additional costs on travel.

The big questions would be is it a fish or a pie or a fried Mars bar supper and do you want brown sauce with it? I suppose there would be further decisions to make also. Like who wants Irn Bru or the diet version and will anyone go the whole hog and have Red Cola? Obviously the SNP and their guests would have to stand outside to eat, whilst the Johnnies – tourists – filed past. Making sure that they put the wrappers in the appropriate bin would of course be a priority.

Can you visualise Alex standing on the pavement in the High Street with Donald Trump on one side and Rupert Murdoch on the other? Donald would start in about the windmills and Alex would tell him he caused more noise with his unending (although very much closer to the truth than Alex would like) hot air than the windmills do.

Rupert on the other hand would be enjoying the banter and telling tales out of school or Westminster about the Call me Dave and his entourage, who fawn over him although asking him to go in the backdoor is a bit iffy to be fair!

If a crowd formed around about them that wouldn’t be a problem. One telephone call by Rupert and the Polis would be there in numbers to protect the magnates and Alex. No doubt a pretty spiffing account would appear in the papers the next day.

“Wee Alex” first in the queue, “Doanuld whaur’s yir winmulls” next and “Rupert the “Berr” dining out at the Scottish Taxpayers expense! It’s okay though, John Swinney would ensure that there was still change out of a £20 note!!! Would they take their wives? Steady now, think of the additional cost! Good grief let’s not get carried away here.

Now that scenario would be a bit of fun.

Grand on a less grand scale.

We know how to do things in Scotland.

Oh yes!

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