Garden Party

10 Jul

Well what a week. We’ve been flooded. How dull you say but there’s more. We’ve been flooded by royals. That family from London, the one with the wife who has been in the same job for 60 years and seems to think that’s a good thing to celebrate. Personally speaking, I don’t think that’s such a good thing, she must be good at it by now? Surely?

Loads of polis are in the streets, being driven around in big white shiny new vans and some of them are wearing pointy hats like what the boabies wear in London. They look down the drains a lot and gawp at you when you drive past the Palace of Holyrood, just getting on with your life. They’ll be gone soon. Things will get back to normal. Two Scottish polis at the front of the parliament, it used to be one but he must have got lonely so they sent him a mate. They can now share their duties of standing about chatting, taking photos for tourists and getting their pictures taken with tourists.

But I digress. Having the Royals over is enjoyed by some especially if they get a gong from Queenie for services to hairdressing and the like. Royals like big shiny medals and even bigger awards that they can pin on their expensive gear when meeting any Johnny foreigners. This is also popular with some of the less well established tyrants around the world. You know the type, the left side of their jacket is absolutely covered with medals and awards. Tacky? Not a bit of it? Okay that’s a lie. It’s mega tacky.

It’s quite shocking when you see the male royals pitch up for some event or other which has a military bent. Our potential next King has loads of medals which he whacks on his jacket which can be Army, Navy or RAF. I didn’t realise he has had such a busy life, flying jets and helicopters in war zones, getting down with the squaddies whilst trying to avoid IEDs and sailing in a destroyer during the Falklands war and having to abandon ship as it sank.

He must have saved countless lives, been an incredible leader and heroically going where no prince has gone before and all for the greater glory of his mums country. Of course he has done none of those things and neither have any of his family members. It kind of cheapens the awards given to real military personnel who have done brave things, sustained dreadful injuries or those who lost their lives.

One of the things the Royals were in Edinburgh to do was for Prince William to be given the Order of the Thistle which is Scotland’s highest honour apparently. Why did he get it? Because his Aunt has one? Because he did something wonderful for Scotland? Because he has a uniform but is a bit limp in the big medal department? Because he went in a big huff to get it?

It’s just so tedious. If you like the royals that’s fine by me and if you don’t that’s also fine. It’s just a pity that so much time and money goes on keeping them in the standard of living that they have become accustomed. Poor Prince Andrew had to really slum it last year. He went on seven business trips to help UK trade. The cost? £350,000. That’s £50,000 a trip. Bearing in mind that that’s almost twice the average yearly salary for people in the UK that seems a tad expensive does it not?

I’ll leave that thought with you.


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