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Nigella Lawson…

16 Dec

It’s happened again!

Fresh from finding some commonality with the green party and the Guardian I now find myself being in agreement with a BBC person who was talking about climate change (I’d tell you a bit more but I can’t find the almost sceptical piece any longer which would seem to suggest it may have been removed by someone). Yes I know. Who would have thunk it.

I’ve managed this feat of losing the plot without recourse to any illegal chemical substances which brings me to another subject…

Nigella Lawson. I watched some of her programmes when she cooked stuff and what not. She would say stuff like she enjoyed Mars bars. She didn’t seem to mind whacking sugar into a lot of her creations and no mention anywhere of ”obesity”.

Now here she is all slimmed down and grown up.  Apparently she may have tried cocaine once and smoked a joint once. Oh dear. But it was only twice though. So that’s okay. It may however, have helped her get into a spot of bother with that nice Mr Saatchi.

I know he’s a nice man because he let me into his Chelsea Gallery and wander about for a couple of hours without charging me a penny.  Can’t be that bad then and I’ve been a few times and he’s still never changed me.

Back to Nigella. She smoked a joint. So does she also smoke? Or did she just smoke to try a joint the once?

Hmmmmm…

You see you would imagine that people like Nigella, who are well connected and know loads of fellow slebs and politicians who might also partake of the odd joint etc. That must mean that they smoke when they partake. I’d also put serious money on them doing it more than once and then continue to keep doing it.  It would calm them down a bit from their frantic lives? Doesn’t that sound very, very, very similar to chavs who need to smako the odd joint to calm them down and allow them to get away from al their problems etc?

Again hmmmmm

Again my wallets out, although sadly not filled with the potential new Scottish “Stoater” currency, I’d bet more money that these same people smoke fags. Yes I’ve said they smoke fags. Shock, horror, probe!

Let’s get shot of a couple of things at this point. I don’t care a hoot who smokes and who takes drugs. All I ask is that they don’t hurt someone else whilst they partake. Smokers , unlike drinkers, aren’t going to punch anyone because they have smoked enough fags for them to be giddy. They don’t become angry smokers when they smoke too much either.

Now you’re thinking second hand smoke? Over to Jim Royle for a comment – “MY ARSE”. Thanks for that Jim. No such thing. No third hand smoke either. No toxic chemicals left on random surfaces, which can jump up and attack anyone in the vicinity.

Bear in mind I’m a non-smoker. Although I smoked a fair few of those fake sweetie ones when I was at primary school in the 60’s.

Of course it’s a bit different for the joint smoker. If you are a smoker of joints the worst you are going do is to maybe talk complete guff to someone or you might laugh too loudly for too long or you might even nick a bit of someone’s Mars bar because you were a bit peckish suddenly.

The real damage being done here, is our good old, well practised and over used friend hypocrisy. Yes indeed. They smoke tobacco in private and in public they look down on smokers. They vent their disgust at such people and get behind ASH and their like and spout the unscientific claptrap which is their mantra.

The point is that they smoke joints, which have tobacco in them. That is a sin. According to ASH and to the righteous. It’s also sin because they are lying, and they are breaking the law whilst at the same time being holier that thou.

Not a good place for them to be.

Years ago I had to go see my Doc. He was fairly laid back guy. I had been feeling under the weather, which he pointed out, was probably being caused by me working ridiculous hours and travelling all over the place as well. He took some blood because that would make sure and he asked me a few questions. One of which was “How much exercise did I get”? I said I got out of the car on occasions. He said “I do the same, I park near the newsagents and walk to the counter where I buy my fags and then I get back in the car again!!!!!! A man after my own heart.

Can you imagine a modern doctor or one of the practice nurses (I want a real one not a practicing on version please!) saying anything like that?

It would blood checks, BP checked, then prescriptions for all manner of drugs, none of which would require to be smoked. I’d have gone in with a small niggle and come out with at least three other issues. And, and, and, I’d have been lectured for the whole time I was there.

Good grief.

All Nigellas step forward and confess. Then say how sorry you are for having been brainwashed by people you thought knew about stuff when in fact they know less than nothing. Then straight to bed with no supper and television for at least a week.

For the rest of us then.

If you smoke and enjoy it carry on. If you need some care at some point and you have to go to the NHS remind them that you have paid countless thousands of pounds in duty on fags and it’s very unlikely that your care will cost more than that.

Ditto if your are cheerily plump.

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