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Dave’s caved.

Call me Dave has blotted his copybook. It’s his own fault of course, he only has himself to blame. From Veto  hero to Caved Dave. It could all have been so different. In fact it was different. Substantially different.

At the last EU Summit Call me Dave was ostracised. He cut a lonely figure, sitting on his own, no-one acknowledging him.  Back slapping laughter and smiling faces all around him. Call me Dave, Johnny no mates, last guy to be picked for the team. Poor wee Call me Dave. He apparently wielded a veto, although there was never any possibility of a veto being available to wield.

It wasn’t his fault you know. At no time did he actually say he’d used a veto. A bad man at the press call late in the night put those words in Call me Dave’s mouth. It was a temptation, an opportunity Call me Dave just couldn’t resist. Once the veto was out of the bottle it raged around the press like a virus. Whoosh, all and sundry, regardless of broadsheet or red top status, leapt on the word.

A Churchillian stance, Call me Dave against the world, or just a bit of it, it matters not. Call me Dave holding back the hoards of Germans and French knocking on the door of the Bank of England to help themselves to boost their safety net fund so that Greece, Portugal, Italy, Spain, Hungary, Belgium, Ireland and others could survive for another few weeks.

The Bank of England’s cupboard, or vault, is bare. Start the presses or press the button; quantative easing is the way forward. The ECB, IMF and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all can be satisfied. What can’t be printed or brought into digital existence can be borrowed.

Call me Dave spoke about making a stand, he lectured the European Court, he talked about repatriating powers back to Westminster. His party loved him. He is the wonderful boy. He will save us from the EU dragon, the dreaded two-headed Merkozy.

Then it’s time for another EU summit. This time held in Brussels during a national strike called because of the increasing austerity measures being introduced in Belgium. The great EU leaders sweeping by any potential protestors in their warm, taxpayer funded, gas-guzzling limos nice and secure and unstoppable. When they looked out their bulletproof windows did they wonder who these people were? Who are they? Why are they protesting? They must be confused? We are protecting them! We know what’s best to sort out this temporary banker imposed situation! We will solve the problems! We will bandy together and make Europe a great place to live in. For us at least anyway. We are the leaders!

When Call me Dave arrives, it’s all smiles, handshakes and back slapping. Call me Dave is back in the fold. People are talking to him. He even kisses Angela’s cheek. He joked with Sarkozy. They are bestest pals again.

Call me Dave tells the press that he is most concerned with developing trade and getting the economies in Europe moving forward again. Trade with the fastest growing world economies is the way to go. No one mentions that the EU economies are at best stagnant and at worst teetering on the edge of recession, depression and deflation. It’s fair to say trading your way out of a hole is a way to go along with a gentler tightening of public spending at the same time; too little too late, too many costly legislative regulations which competitors don’t have and would ignore anyway if they did

Call me Dave is back in the fold, singing from the same hymn sheet as all the rest. All the behind the scenes telephone calls and nudges here and there since the “Veto” moment have made sure Call me Dave is on-side. Just not on our side, the people of the UK’s side, the people of Europe’s side. He sits at the top table with the big players. He enjoys the benefits. We all want to be popular and Call me Dave is no exception. He has once again chosen to be popular with his big mates rather than his party and the people of the UK.

A large swathe of his party and his voters are disappointed. Perhaps if they hadn’t fallen for the “Veto” nonsense it would have been easier to take, too late. Can the Tory Party do anything about this? No. It would cost them their power. It’s just too much to ask of them, just too much to lose.

Stuck in the EU. Overburdened by regulations. Taxed into oblivion, double dip recession imminent. Ruled by the EU with no democratic mandate. No democracy with even the slightest possibility of affecting any chance of real change and real accountability.

And we are surprised by this?

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Once upon a time in a palace in Westminster…

Once upon a time in a palace in Westminster a fearsome warrior ruled the land. She strode upon any world stage without fear and faced down all threats becoming known as the Iron Lady. She wielded her handbag with precision and had no truck with U-turns. She confronted the EU colleagues and reduced the money the colleagues were demanding in lieu of membership of the great club. (She also laid waste to UK manufacturing, introduced the Tax of the Polls and followed the monetarist mantra, which almost destroyed the country but that’s another story).

Alas the great warrior was smitten and struck down by her own party.

The years passed and the world changed and a young prince appeared who managed to steal the crown of the great Tories from the Brown Labourer albeit that he had to rely on the support of a motley crew of opportunists who claimed to be liberal. No matter. He strode upon the world stage and cowered before the might of even the most modest of opponents and apologised repeatedly for the actions of past.

The young prince was know as Call me Dave. The EU colleagues had long since planned to wreak revenge on the Palace of Westminster for the effronteries of the Iron Lady and had waited patiently and planned carefully to seize the opportunities afforded by the weakening of it’s powers, just as their own powers had grown. The arrival of the great two-headed monster known as Merkozy as leaders of the EU frightened Call me Dave.

The Merkozy played a canny game. They praised Call me Dave and offered him the opportunity to sit at their table in the Eurozone. Call me Dave declined the invitation although it would have provided him with vast riches. They then decided to deal with Call me Dave and the Palace of Westminster in one fell swoop.

The offer was framed and the trap set. They once again offered Call me Dave a seat at their table as a member of the Eurozone or they would either destroy his economic power that was “The City” or steal it for themselves.

Call me Dave blustered and whined, as men who are out of their depth are prone to do. His face was red with anger, spittle flying from his fast moving mouth and his ears deaf to the words of his critics. His advisors were running around like headless chickens, the treasurer of his kingdom had long since lost the plot and the motley crew responded to the crisis with ever increasingly fantastical schemes, which almost always included the building of windmills. Call me Dave’s supporters began breaking ranks and speaking out against him. They called for a referendum. Call me Dave knew not of such things and agreed but then changed his mind denying he had ever agreed in the first place.

Call me Dave knew he was no match for the great Merkozy and this was indeed obvious for all to see. The Palace of Westminster shook on it’s foundations in trepidation of the likely attack by Merkozy. In the City the moneylenders and hawkers/traders looked to the East to the shiny jewels, which were Berlin, Paris and Brussels. They saw the bright light of change, which would allow them to reap even more riches, pay even less tax and develop utterly useless products which would be expensive for their clients to buy and be worthless within a few months.

The future was clear. Call me Dave had but two options. Join with Merkozy and become Markozycam or try to stand up to them and risk complete and abject failure. He would be ridiculed, even more, by the press, his friends and of course Boris the Great who was fairer of hair, cleverer of mouth and stouter of stoutness.

Call me Dave thought about his precarious position and that of his country. It was time for him to stand up and fight or simply fold and sell his fellow countrymen into poverty, paralysing regulation and complete greenness. He decided with speed. Merkozycam had a certain ring to it had it not? Better to be recorded in history as the man who sold out the UK than to be a man who achieved nothing at all and failed to reap the huge financial rewards, which were his for the taking due to his greatness and unparalleled intellect.

And so in an instant (well a telephone call taking but a few minutes) the new improved but utterly depraved Merkzoycam was born. Merkozycam immediately set about rebuking the minions sent from the West by Obamessiah who dared to question their judgement when his own problems amounted to well over $14 trillion.

First Europe and then the rest of the world. Merkcozycam leaders of the free world (well perhaps not that free). There may even come a day when the greatest leader of all time would came to the fore. Merkcozycamobam. Now that is a name!

 
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Posted by on December 9, 2011 in Politics

 

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