Judith Ralston and the hankie of doom

Well… Black arm bands have been handed out, flowers are being ordered in excess of princess quantities and flags are flying at half mast. The news, as you already know, is that the BBC have sacked the MET Office. Rumour on the street was this had occurred because the MET hadn’t delivered the level of global warming that the BBC wanted! I’ve heard stranger things.

Anyway back to the black arm bands. The new weather deliverers will probably not require the services of the hand waving, button clicking, smiling regardless of the forecast weather people presenters. This is a bad thing. You may have missed the fact that weather presenters have lives. They have mortgages as well and they have to eat and drink even to excess if the forecast was miles away from their earlier forecast. Coats are hanging on shooglie pegs, unless they were raincoats last used during that barbecue summer that the Met completely misplaced.

At this point I have to apologise due to my lack of postings featuring weather presenters or actually just one weather presenter. I’ve been busy. I have found Facebook and Twitter. I’m sorry about that. I’ll make up for it right now then.

Judith Ralston. You’ll have heard of Judith. Some people, and I’m including myself here, refer to Judith as Miss Whiplash. There was a time before weans when Judith’s wardrobe was, how can I say this? Ah, yes. Severe and pre-50 shades of grey although black was the preferred colour, or it would have been if black was in fact a colour. Scottish males watching a weather forecast by Judith could not remember a single thing about the weather. Oh no, Judith put a spell on them it was glorious. But it’s time passed.

Recently we have two episodes of interest from Judith, neither of which relates to weather at all. Firstly, she appeared on a weather forecast with what looked like a wardrobe malfunction. On closer inspection it turned out to be a paper hankie which she’d stuffed up her short sleeve. It peeked shaky for a few moments and started to get bolder. I willed it to fall but Jackie Bird alerted Judith. Secondly, one evening at the end of the bulletin the camera panned out, just in time to catch Judith dancing along to the news tune. Happy in her work. Awwwwww.

No one will be able to replace Judith. It doesn’t matter if they are Dutch or from new Zealand. There is not a single weather lady in the world that could fill Judith’s shoes. They may well get the weather forecast more accurate but who needs that if it means removing Judith from our screens? We can always look out the windae for goodness sake!

 

A strange thing happened on the way to the keyboard…

Like most bloggers I have a need to check the numbers of viewers/visitors more than once a day. It’s a needy thing. Like I need to know at least some people read my drivel and have signed up to read my blog on a fairly regular basis. When I first started the numbers were low as you would expect, but now they are a lot higher even although I had almost a year off in between the start three years ago and now.

I also tend to comment on other blogs, which can be fairly amusing and sometimes a bit fraught. If you’ve looked at my blog, and you must have to get this far, then you’ll see I don’t get many comments. Blogs are like mini communities and commenting works for some and not for others. I’ve had the odd troll also, although not on toast, which can be a real pain. Generally, though, it’s been an enjoyable journey.

A wee bit earlier I was about to sit down and write a blog. I opened up the blog and checked the numbers and then noticed the comment icon was indicating that I had a comment. I opened the comment and lo and behold the senders name was Judith Ralston. If you give the comments a wee look you’ll see it for yourself.

Now I would imagine that’s fairly easy to set up a profile, which may be, shall we say, a little less than accurate. Maybe there is more than one Judith Ralston within Scotland? Maybe there are several? Yes I know that there will be many versions of Judith Ralston in different quantum dimensions.

There maybe a version of Judith that didn’t have problems with her voice and has gone on to be a much loved entertainer. Since quantum dimension are infinite there will definitely be a Judith Ralston who is Head of the BBC weather department for the whole of the UK.

Dare I also say that there will be dimensions where this blog does not exist! I know pretty fat fetched but there you go.

Judith, in her comment, has said that she has been ill. I, and I would imagine a number of other chaps would want to wish Judith a speedy return to the Scottish evening weather forecast. I think for the first reappearance Judith should push the boat out, just to remind us all of what we have been missing.

I’m not a big fan of the BBC since they are the voice of the UK establishment and are perhaps far too entwined with the Glasgow Labour set, which is probably not a healthy position, to be in. I think the BBC should buy the old Scotsman building which is right beside the Scottish Parliament. This would mean that the parliament would receive better coverage and Edinburgh would gain much improved reporting. I can see Sally Magnusson being the Edinburgh anchor with Brian Taylor ranting on a bit longer than currently each night.

The thing is, who would present the weather? Can you think of anyone with the correct credentials?

 

Bits and pieces…

Stuff happens and sometimes it’s worth a comment. On that basis I shall rant and ramble along on this fine December day.

I’ve been particularly recalcitrant with regards to Judith Ralston, the Scottish weather presenter who has been referred to as “Miss Whiplash” by others but certainly not by me. On the run up to the Scottish Independence Referendum BBC presenters of all shapes and sizes of a Scottish nature were usurped by an influx of people from south of the border as was the BBCs want.

This seems to have led to JR presenting the weather on BBC radio and since then she has made a few fleeting weather appearances and a singing gig on BBC Scotland Children in Need. Not solo obviously, but as a backing singer with Jackie Bird.

We need more of JR on our screens. As I may have mentioned in the past, her weather forecasting is probably pretty fine but many a chap in Scotland may have no recollections of what she was saying at all. We may have to start a campaign? Bring back JR!

Wait a minute that may have been used before?

Were you heading southeast down the A1 last weekend? Well obviously you weren’t but you may well have wanted to be since it was closed. A large bang was heard at or near the Catterick Army Base not far from Scotch Corner, which is a significant misnomer since it’s not in Scotland, Scotch is a drink only and there is no corner.

The loud bang was heard by locals and by people in Glasgow and other places. I, myself didn’t hear a thing. The Polis shut the road for a short time of some 16 hours. Well you can’t be too careful now can you?

Anyway, it’s a mystery and we’ll never know. Probably, it was down to the military since there is the Army base and an RAF base also close by. Since loud bangs were heard all over the place some say it might have been meteors whilst others think it must have been a secret aircraft creating a sonic boom or three.

Maybe it flew in from the USA with a flight time of 45 minutes? Pity BA, Virgin etc. can’t buy the technology so we could get longer holidays on the beach rather than spending hours on slow drones? 15 minutes to Ibiza anyone?

The new Drink Drive limits in Scotland come onto force on the 5^th I believe. This is a good thing, well almost a good thing, Firstly, the limit is now so low that it may catch people who have not actually been drinking. Secondly, should they not have gone for a no limit (see first point) and does that mean the Polis will stop breathalysing anyone stopped for any reason in a car?

Interestingly, it seems that the makers of Harris Tweed have recently produced a tweed jacket, which has an aroma of whisky. You can just see it now. Old guy gets pulled over and winds his window down. Polis stick their head in his window and get a wiff of whisky. Polis ask man to get out of the car as they suspect he has been drinking alcohol. Old man says he has not been drinking and it’s his jackets fault…

 

Who has been busy? Judith has.

The weather has been fairly interesting over the past few weeks and over the Xmas/New Year holidays in particular.  When that’s the case someone has to stand up in front of the cameras and tell us about what is to come hopefully with something approaching some sort of accuracy.

In Scotland we have just the person. Judith Ralston. Her job is indeed to provide an idea of how the weather may behave over a 2-3 day period and of course to highlight unpleasant weather which may be a bit testing.

Judith wasn’t always a weather presenter; she was originally a singer (maybe a singer in a rock and roll band) who trod the boards around Scotland. She admitted as much just the other day when a news item covered the temporary closure of a theatre in Perth. She had at one time or another sang there although it was apparently a different life away.

I’ve written hundreds of blogs and I’ve been lucky enough to attract thousands of visitors. The most popular blogs on my site are the Judith Ralston Blogs. There is rarely a day goes by that someone or someones haven’t looked at one of the Judith Ralston’s blogs.

Things have changed for Judith. She’s now had twins and she’s also lost a bit of weight and her wardrobe has perhaps altered a bit also. She used to be known to some “wags” as Miss Whiplash! Goodness…

When she is the chosen one for doing the weather she can be a vision in blue, red, black, black and white although not all at the same time thank goodness. Her shoes can sometimes be making a point. They are flamboyant.

Her shoes state that she is not just a weather presenter. They shout that there is more to Judith than just the weather. They hint that there is more. Sophistication. Fun. Daring.

Perhaps BBC Scotland should make a few suggestions for Judith to consider? Perhaps they might suggest that as the weather she is informing the audience about gets wilder perhaps her hairstyle should reflect this and become increasingly wild!

Perhaps they should also suggest that as the temperature rises so do the height of her heels? Perhaps if there are a number of weather warnings she should appear more severe and strict teacher looking? Just so we pay attention of course.

I could go on but I shan’t.

For the weather in Scotland there is no alternative to Judith.

 

Weather without you JR?

How can I say this in a delicate manner? Here goes…

Ladies, if you are having problems with conception why not apply to BBC Scotland as a weather presenter? One lady, from the two who started recently is now “expecting” and recent history shows three more babies of which one lady went on “to be with child“ twice.

Judith Ralston has been blossoming. No more “expecting” but lots of new outfits and, and, and… she was let out side this week!

The rugby sevens were on in Melrose. Lots of posh boy, swarthy rugby players with six packs and thundering thighs. I’m sure none of that would have been of any interest to Judith. She is only interested in her viewing public.

Recently she has been a vision in white, black, green and more. She even wore trousers the other evening although she maintained footwear designed to appeal to fellows who take a particular message from such items.

Now that JR has been out and about she may well be given a summer brief to travel the length and breadth of this fine country of ours. She could present the weather from a differing location every evening, sharing her talents countrywide.

Perhaps she could be given an opportunity to add a bit of local colour to the weather? Telling us of the benefits of visiting the place she is at as it were and how the local area weather manifests itself.

 

Judith Ralston slipped apparently…

The TV weather forecast on BBC Scotland is delivered, on occasions, by none other than Judith Ralston or Miss Whiplash as her fans call her, or just plain old JR.  A couple of weeks ago when it was much colder and a bit icy Judith regaled us all with a tale that she “had herself, slipped in an unlady like manner earlier that day”. (I suggest a good old Scottish dialect  version is a tad more colourful – “Judith skited oan the pavemint”.

Anyone manage to video that? I’d suggest if they did, get it on You Tube and you’ll beat the number of views managed by that white suited singing chap from the far east very, very, very significantly.

However, the other night poor JR had a coughing fit during her weather forecast. Not to worry though because she had a way of managing the situation. She spoke at 200 words per second. I’d no idea what the weather was going to do, not that that matters of course.

Anyone manage to video that? I’d suggest if they did, get it on You Tube and you’ll beat the number of views managed by that white suited chap from the far east very, very, very significantly.

She handed back to the wooden top male anchor we sometime get on the BBC Scotland news of an evening. “What a trouper” he said and no doubt he was fed the comment via his earpiece. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and his mother loves him but he’ll never make a TV news presenter if he does the job every night for one hundred years. That won’t stop the BBC putting him in front of camera though.

Yawn.

 

JR is back… okay she has been for a while.

The weather has been interesting. Rain, rain and more rain. It wouldn’t be Scotland if it didn’t rain but there are limits and they were passed quite some time ago. It makes predicting the weather a bit of a test though just ask the BBC Scotland weather team.

But is all well with the team? The big question is where is “thon wee Cubie lassie”? Did she actually run away to the circus? Is she, at this very moment, donning a spangled costume before climbing up a rope and swinging about fairly high up in very large tent which smells continuously of wet grass? Is that more exciting than predicting the weather 0n TV? Sadly, she’s actually presenting on Landward, which is the Scottish version of Countryfile that is all about coos and plants and stuff so no need for spangled outfits mind you…

JR is back doing the weather. Whilst Judith is back there is less of her than before. Is this a good thing? Her frocks are more sensible although she is still rebellious with her shoes. One of the other weather ladies Gillian Smart, who went off to have a baby at the same time as Judith is showing signs of needing to take time off again for the same reason. Goodness.

Anyway JR seems to be on mostly during the day and only rarely on at peak times. The weather has been going down hill in more ways than one. JRs main job was to distract, mainly chaps but not exclusively chaps, from the weather forecast, which is always secondary anyway

The main forecasting roll has been taken over by Mr Chris Blanchett who is well turned out and is probably a nice boy. He has a bit of banter with the news anchor person but, well, he isn’t JR.

The effect of the continuing absence of JR on our screens could have a major effect on the morale of the Scottish population or at least a fairly significant part. This then is serious.  This could threaten the very fabric of the Scottish nation. Independence potentially looming and possible pro voters completely distracted, seriously worried about the weather which they now know all about and wondering if they could alter their working hours so they could be around more during the day.

The loss of Gillian Smart may provide a chance of change once again. Whilst it may be the case that JR has requested that she work earlier so she can get home at a reasonable time to see her barns in the bath and off to bed. I know that’s a ridiculous suggestion. She would never, never, never turn her back on her fans. No rude comments from anyone reading this. You are a bad man if you do!

Perhaps “thon wee Cubie lassie” might make a reappearance? I know it won’t be the same as JR but it would be a start.

 

Snow shovels and au couture.

The weather has taken a turn for the worse. Snow apparently, although we haven’t see any in Edinburgh just yet. After the snow last winter, we thought it might be sensible to buy a snow shovel. Snow shovels have become the very latest must have. You may have partaken of one for yourself? Ours is red with a very clean looking pine handle and a metal strip along the leading edge where it may well hit the pavement or drive etc.

Whilst we are now in February there is still plenty of time for snow to make an entrance although a less dramatic entrance than the one we had in November/December 2010 would be good. Scottish Granny used to say “as the days lighten, the cold strengthens.” Seems like never a truer word was said.

The snow shovel has to be used otherwise I’ll turn slip into mean git mode. I paid for it so it’s getting used! In previous years I’ve used a big square bit of plywood with a length of 2” x 2” wooden attached to it for a long handle. Artistic and stylish it wasn’t but it did the job, The edge that came into contact with the pavements got a bit frayed but that was just a part of the character of it. This solution nowadays however, may be somewhat uncouth. Hence new spanking, shiny snow shovel this year although I have a proper well worn ancient shovel for those difficult icy bits where people have walked on when the snow was wet.

The weather, the Scottish Weather. Hmmm. Last week in London it was as cold as I’ve ever felt it down there, lots of complaints about the cold. In the office I was working in the ladies all had hot water bottles, which they carried about with them, that’s how cold they felt it was. Of course they are lacking our special connection to the weather. Our secret weapons.

After the Scottish News we have the Scottish Weather. If we’ve been really good and behaved ourselves during the previous few days and had no bad reports from Scottish Granny we may expect Judith Ralston or thon wee (Kat) Cubie lassie to tell us what the weather will be like in the next few hours and days. (Search Google for either ladies if you are not already familiar with them).

They are our secret weapons. How so you ask. Well basically we don’t take much in. We are considering what they are wearing and watching their extravagant gestures and button pressing. Their wardrobe has changed of late. It looks like they’ve been spoken to, “encouraged” to procure their weather presenting outfits from an outlet which provides “au couture” garments. These garments are solid in colour and generous in fit although thon wee Cubie lassie managed to get hers a bit more fitting.

By the time we’ve taken all this in they’ve imparted their weather prediction/forecast. We never know what the weather will be like unless it’s one of their shiny ill-fitting suit wearing male chums who drearily drone their way through the forecast. Yawn.

Ignorance is bliss.

 

Doom and Gloom

This jollyly titled article was originally written for the Subrosa Blondes Blog and is reproduced here with permissions. You might want to add Subrosa to your blog list and visit her often. The blog covers a lot of topics and is very accessible.

This article refers to the BBC News on Monday 16th or Tuesday 17th Jan 2012.

Well that’s it then. Another BBC News at 6:00 and then BBC Scotland News. What fun.

Inflation is down. The comments were directed at it still being too high and the historical editorial was that interest rates should be put up. No sign of any cheer then, that inflation was going down. Not a glimmer. Good news? Not for the BBC apparently.

Then there was that happy soul and interesting character Ed Moribund. Ed thinks it’s a good idea that public sector pay rises are kept at 1%. His pals in the unions think this is an appalling idea. They would though because that’s their job. Ed reckons that a 1% increase means more people will be kept in work. He may well have a point, however; his party have spent the last few months rubbishing even the notion of a 1% pay restriction. Now he is agreeing with Call me Dave and Boy George Osborne. He’s also agreed with them about the union and they will jointly oppose the SNP notion that Scotland should leave the UK. That’s a lot of agreement between the government and the opposition. Not much cheer in this article on the BBC news either.

Oh well maybe the Scottish News will be chock-a-block with chuckles? Then again, perhaps not. Highland Council voted to oppose a wind farm in the Cairngorms. This isn’t good apparently. No real mention of how 31 wind turbines 360 feet high might be detrimental to the environment. Unsightly? Damaging to birds? Expensive to erect and run and producing the most expensive electricity possible.

The very next item , and this is hard to believe, covered Big Power Week. We have the power? No, but we have incredibly expensive electricity and gas. Big Power Week is being carried out by the Citizens Advise Bureau. They have advisors all over Scotland this week providing advice to the public so they can reduce their gas and electricity bills. Good idea.

There’s one bit of advice they could provide to people, well certain people who work in government like a Mr A Salmond, a Mr D Cameron, a Mr C Huhne and a Ms C Lucas amongst others. Remove the renewables levy from electricity bills saving everyone 20% on their bills immediately. That would ease household budgets and reduce inflation.

At least the Scottish News has a saving grace the weather ladies. Thon wee Cubie lassie and Judith Ralston do a good job of presenting the weather news.

Which brings me to my final gripe. Who trains the BBC presenters in hand waving? Do they go to classes and learn how to develop waving and personalise the waving, gesturing and general wafting to match their personality. Just give us the news wave free please and try to keep it within balanced bounds. I know that is a big ask but we can only try eh?

 

It’s news to me.

The early evening news is where I tend to get my news, well apart from visiting my favourite blogs combined with a bit of Google drift anyway. Six o’clock is the time I sit down and listen to the BBC. Why the BBC? Habit I suppose and the enjoyment of the incredulousness I feel at some of the articles they feature and some of the propaganda they push.

Following the BBC News from London we have the local Scottish News which is usually fronted by Jackie Bird who is professional and does a good job. The sports chap is okay and has a sense of humour and the weather ladies… well I’ve may have commented on their appropriateness in some detail before.

It’s the people who are out and about that are… well I’m not sure what the word is really. Interesting? First of all they get sent to places and you wonder why. Standing outside a court building in the rain, standing opposite a building where something has happened or standing somewhere with a few young chaps in shot who are showboating their obvious talents and humour. The standard of reporting isn’t great and sometimes the dress sense gets in the way. You have to conclude that some of them should, perhaps, not be doing this sort of work or at least not in front of the camera.

There’s a nice chap who is very uncomfortable with this hand waving style the BBC seems so in love with. He looks very uncomfortable and manages to make the hand-waving look like stylised Wooden Tops. His Mother loves him and he’s probably a really nice and talented journalist but a presenter he isn’t

There’s the guy who is sometimes the anchor back in the studio. He sounds mechanical. Again I’m sure his Mother loves him and he may have a girlie who has him on a pedestal and likens him to Walter Cronkite. But… well… he just isn’t. He’s improved certainly but he still sounds like he’s reading it. Which he is. But Jackie doesn’t sound like that.

To be fair to everyone involved the material they are asked to cover doesn’t help. Court cases are dull. Do we really need to hear about it line by line? There used to be magazines and papers, which devoted acres of space to that sort of thing for those that were interested.

We always have a “the Scots are the worst in the world at… eating rubbish, drinking too much mans beer, consuming copious amounts of hard drugs, dying younger than anyone else on the planet, We also have a fluffy wee animal story … oh here’s an Eagle which can’t fly. Then we have the global warming guff, sectarianism and the “we’re going to be the first country in the world to adopt… add a really silly, pointless attention seeking bit of nonsense here. There may also be a talking head from the Polis, Fire Brigade or a health expert ranting about something we are rubbish at too.

Sport is Andy Murray either winning and sort of but not quite smiling or being beaten and being very, very grumpy (but not as grumpy as his Mum who is grumpier than a very funny thing. Then it’s the national football team getting gubbed by a country with a population of 50, a football team sacking their manager for the third time this season, or having so much debt the IMF wouldn’t even consider them for a loan or getting gubbed by a European team no one has ever heard of and who took up football playing three months ago.

We can do better than this. First of all get the BBC and STV to have plush Edinburgh studios, which reflect the capital city’s status. Staff the news teams with good presenters and have them report on important topics, drop the gossip to a Scottish version of the One Show maybe called the Yin or the Wan Show.

Make the news dynamic. Don’t repeat news we’ve just heard on the national news.  Maybe they should just ditch the national news altogether and let us have Scottish News which covers global stories. But please not those that cover a disaster in a foreign country which someone in Scotland’s next door neighbours, cousins pal in the pub knows someone who stays twenty miles away from where it happened and they’re on a dodgy phone line to tell us about what it may well be like.

Let’s have some quality.

However, on no account should the weather ladies be changed. Oh no. We’ve got Judith  (Miss Whiplash) and “thon wee Cubie lassie” at the moment and they are spot on. There may be room to add a couple more nice ladies who would allow the ill-fitting shiny suited chaps to seek more gainful employment as… well who cares really.